Virtual Relationships

It's so easy to hide nowadays.

And do it in plain sight.

Yesterday Salome and I were on our way to a barbecue yesterday and- as per our usual custom- we were running late (sidebar- I say 'we were running late' much in the same way one uses 'the royal we'. In other words, I'm late by proxy and not by actual negligence). At about 3:15, my wife receieves an email on her Blackberry: a quick sentence from her friend who is throwing the barbecue, asking where we were.

Now, as Salome was driving (we've discussed this state of affairs in recent blogs), she handed me the Blackberry and asked me to reply to the email. And so, as I sat there trying to type a coherent message on a bumpy freeway with a 'qwerty' keyboard that had keys roughly the size of a head of a pin, I realized what a collossal waste of time the whole affair was.

Granted, this epiphany was fueled by the fact that I was seriously annoyed at having to try and type on a sophisticated cell phone, for God's sake, but it was also dawning on me to what lengths we will go to in order to avaoid actual contact with a human being.

With text-messages, emails, voice mails, answering machines, Skype and ICQ, not to mention Slingboxes and Bluetooth, we can have a relationship with virtually anyone, without ever having to soil ourselves by actually talking to them.

Consider the script and the likely time requirement:

- Salome's friend dials her Blackberry: 10 seconds. Or 5, if she's in the 'contact' list
- The Blackberry rings twice before Salome picks up: 5 seconds
- Salome's friend inquires as to our whereabouts ('Hey, where are you guys?'): 5 seconds
- Salome replies 'We're running late, but will be there in 15 minutes': 5 seconds
- The friend replies 'Ok, we'll see you then.': 3 seconds.
- Each person then hangs up the phone: 2 seconds
Total time: 30 seconds

But no. Said friend must email this query, which requires typing on a keyboard designed for small rodents. The recipient must then receive the inquiry, and type a reply (in my case, as I hate the damned things and text as seldom as possible) that takes 3 minutes to send back the following:

'WeER runningh late (Big bump in road, and can't find the punctuation button) Bbe ther in 15.'

Now, granted, we were on our way to spend actual time with them: face-to-face discussions, laughter, and the enjoyment of food.

But somehow we've come to the point in our high-tech world that the actual talking to someone without seeing them face to face is a terrible breach of decorum, much like flatulating in mixed company.

Put another way, there are now so many ways to get a hold of me, that why should you even bother getting a hold of me? Leave a voice mail. Text me. Email me. Let's set a date to IM each other online. Ok! Cya then! TTYL...

And after all the texting and emailing is over and done with, why is it that we still feel dreadfully, awfully alone?