Baby At Last

Auden Mary was born Dec. 19th, 2008, as 1:13 PM.

As you can see, she was not happy with this new development, but her parents certainly were. As were her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and many dear friends.

It was an experience that was... unforgettable. Watching this new life enter the world- the shouts of joy at the announcement that it was a girl- beholding her for the first time and thinking that this tiny, wrinkled, howling creature was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I look at her now, awash in sensation, no coherence of thought, and marvel at the infinite possibilities. And even now, the person that she will one day be is starting to assert itself: hating to be swaddled, the noises that soothe her... What a joy it will be to watch this tiny girl go through the process of becoming.

I could rhapsodize for days about how amazing all this is, and probably will in future entries. But there is a practical reality to this that can at times pop this very joyous bubble. And that is the simple fact that we are now truly 'parents' (here all readers heave a collective sigh of regret and murmur 'Poor kid'...), and suddenly everything is so much more complex, while being simultaneously baffling. Truly, I am surprised that Auden has made it this far (3 weeks) while at the mercy of our inept hands. [Side note: Salome is not inept. She may not have all the answers, but she has from the very start proven to be a devoted, maternal, loving mother with seemingly infinite patience. Yes. Salome. Patience. Who knew? But I am so impressed and in love with my wife, and this new child has been like a poultice for Salome, drawing everything that is good within her to the surface].

And so, as new parents, not only do we NOT have all the answers, the truth is we don't have ANY answers. So we've read, looked, asked, observed- anything that might help us be better. And guess what we've discovered? EVERYONE ELSE has an answer, and each one is contradictory.

It started right after Auden was born. One lactation consultant suggested a certain hold for nursing. The next day, the other consultant came in and told us something else. Meanwhile the pediatrician on call came in and told us something entirely different altogether.

NEVER supplement breastfeeding with bottles. Supplementing is OK. Never let a baby cry without attending to it. It's okay to let a baby cry if she's been fed/changed/swaddled/burped. Always hold the baby in the crook of your arm. DON'T hold the baby that way. Don't let the baby sleep in your bed with you. Let the baby sleep in the bed with you for bonding. Don't use a pacifier before she falls asleep. A pacifier before falling asleep can help prevent SIDS and should be used.

In fact, the only things the experts seem to be in agreement upon are:

1. Never throw acid in the baby's face

2. Full submersion in water for extended periods of time is bad.

3. Avoid watching any 'Hannah Montana' shows until the age of 3

4. George Bush is an idiot

5. NEVER shake a baby. Stirring, however, is still under debate.

6. Moist Hostess' Twinkies are tasty and snack-a-licious

7. Never substitute breast milk or formula with vodka

8. You should never test your baby's ability to 'bounce' by dropping it from great heights

9. You need not lick your baby to cleanliness: we have opposable thumbs and washcloths for stuff like that.

10. Stare-off contests and 'thumb wars' are generally things babies aren't interested in right now

Since experts can only seem to agree on the above, Salome and I have discovered that there isn't necessarily one, single right answer to every situation. Raising a baby, much like it will be in raising a child, is going to be a process. It will be dealing with situations as they come, and- provided we ALWAYS have our daughter's safety and well-being uppermost in our minds- relying on our instincts at times, rather than turning to 'the book(s)' for answers that don't necessarily work.

Every expert has an answer. Some of them might work. Some won't. And that's okay. Because Auden is who she is, and will respond as she will. She won't fall neatly into the categories in handbooks, or be soothed by remedies suggested by well-meaning adults who learned it from their great aunt Rose.

And this is what we want most for our child: to develop into the person she will become. To NOT parent-by-the-book, but to bring love and security to every situation, so that she will always know she is safe with us, and that we will always celebrate who she is. Every step of the way.