Enemies Foreign, Domestic And... Undead?

I'm sure everyone has already seen this, but I stumbled across it today and just couldn't stop laughing...

Bush Zombie Interview

Sorry- not allowed to embed this vid...

Rush Limbaugh Hates You

"I'd like to thank all the little people. For being little. And meaningless."

Actually, I don't know if he really hates you. Or even knows you, to be honest. But I must assume he does.

Let me say from the start that this is not going to be a diatribe against him, full of Oxycontin or girth jokes. I am not taking a page from Al Franken's book, nor am I even pleased that I am writing about him at all, as I do not wish to contribute in anyway to attention being directed his way. But I am concerned.

Very concerned.

With a radio audience that numbers in the millions, and 2 books that landed at number one on the New York Times bestseller list (one of which managed to stay there for 24 weeks), it's no exaggeration to say that his clout (though perhaps on the decline) is great. And yet I can't help but marvel at the fact that when on January 20th, the day Barack Obama was inaugurated as president, Rush Limbaugh publicly declared "I want him to fail", all of his fans didn't desert him en masse.

Because what's more important than everyday, blue and white collar Americans being able to work, put food on the table and a roof over their head? Well, conservatism winning, of course. That's what it's really all about.

Let's examine what a 'fail' would mean for Barack Obama:

- On Monday, almost 72,000 jobs were lost in a single day
- It was announced that some 30 states were presently in or would soon be suffering from a severe deficit
- Unemployment was expected to dip into double digits before this 'recession' was over
- New home construction was at its lowest rate since 1959
- The stock market rallied just barely enough to get back above 8000 points (Dow)
- The cost of bailing out the banks was estimated to be much higher than the original $700 billion

And this was just on Monday.

And Rush Limbaugh wants the president to fail. Now. At this moment in time when we cannot afford failure. When people's lives and livelihood are at stake: when people go to work each day with a deep, unspoken fear that today will be the day that lay-offs are announced or that the company is going bankrupt. Or open their 401K statements and read just how much of their pension they have lost. Or, like me, are trying to find a job in a market that is flooded with thousands of applicants for single positions.

Yes, it would be good for Obama to fail. For things to get even worse. Because- and make no mistake about this, folks- this is NOT a battle for survival, providing for your family, or responsibly preparing for your retirement. No. What is MOST important is conservatism winning.

Speaking frankly, my own enthusiasm since Obama's inauguration has waned a bit to something more like 'cautious optimism'. We all knew (and he even said) that there would be no quick fixes in these troubled times, but some of the decisions he has made in the past week have left me a bit puzzled:

- Appointing Tim Geithner (the guy who 'forgot' to pay his taxes) as Treasury Secretary (though on the flip-side, maybe someone who was able to bamboozle the IRS for a couple of years SHOULD be head of the IRS)
- An economic stimulus package that includes $200 million for contraceptives...?
- The closing of Guantanamo prison (yay!) without a specific plan as to what to do with its prisoners (huh?)
- Demanding that by 2010 US automakers (the ones looking for a bailout) make cars that get 35 MPG. A good idea, but they can't even get car manufacturing correct now. What's the likelihood of getting their act together by 2010?
- The bailout may go as high as $825 billion (which is okay, I suppose: I mean, what's another $125 billion?),but many of those funds will go to public works such as building roads and bridges, and are not slated to begin until as early as 18 months from now, and some not even until Obama's (possible) second term: all long after when most economists say this recession will be over

So when I take issue with Limbaugh for wanting Obama to fail, (he later amended his comments on 'The Hannity Show', saying he wants Obama's policies to fail- not necessarily the man himself- but that brings up the point: what's the difference? Obama succeeds but his policies fail? And if those policies do fail, as Limbaugh is hoping, then that takes us back to the original point: the pain that most of us are feeling right now gets even worse if the policies fail. But I digress.) It's not because I believe he is attacking 'the savior'.

Frankly, I think it's because he's attacking the American people. Or couldn't care less about them, which in this situation amounts to just about the same thing.

Limbaugh has made his millions (though they've no doubt dipped some over the past year), is worshipped by his fans, smokes expensive cigars and plays golf (with a pretty sweet set of clubs, from what I can tell). These days, I can't even afford to go to the driving range. And so I can't help but wonder: would he still feel/say the same way if he was still an underpaid, semi-starving radio announcer at the obscure KFBK radio station in Sacramento?

I hated George W. Bush.
Lordy, did I hate that man.

His administration was like an 8 year train wreck (more, if you count the aftermath), 4 of which I was able to watch from relative safety because I was living in Canada. One wonders if, when vacationing on his ranch in Texas, he deliberately stepped in every pile of cow manure that lay in his path, because he seemed to do the same thing during his tenure as president. He stammered his way from one debacle to the next, then left us with 2 wars (and a third pending- Iran- until the financial crisis), a history of bumbling maneuvers, a constitution that regressed from being the guiding document for our country to merely 'a good idea if it doesn't stand in the way of what I want', and an economy in tatters.

Yes, I hated him. But here's the thing: I never wanted him to fail.

I was even offended when an Iraqi journalist threw a shoe at him at a press conference. Not because he threw a shoe at George W. Bush, but because he threw a show at the president of the United States. My president, even though I did not cast a single vote his way in either election. Of course, now that he's a private citizen and lo longer president, if I happen to see him on the street I probably will throw a shoe at him. Or at least some soft cow manure. But despite my personal feelings towards him as a man, as a president I never wanted him to 'fail'.

Of course, he did fail, and failed miserably, which should be a good lesson for all of us (especially Rush Limbaugh): when a president fails, it hurts. ALL of us. Not just him (or her). Not just a select few. Not just a couple of lobbyists. In this case, it hurt ALL of us, even the rich, who have seen their vast assets dwindle.

So why, on God's green earth, would anyone ever want the president to fail?

Because he clashes with your ideology? Because his ideas just might better than yours, and you don't want to see that? That he might succeed where your party did not? THIS is why you want to see him fail?

On Monday (yes, that dark day mentioned earlier in this blog), Rush gleefully claimed Obama's 'frightened of me', based on a report that last week Obama warned congressional GOP leaders that they should not listen to him. Is Rush right about Obama's fear, or does he perhaps have an inflated sense of himself?

Let's examine:

- Obama, a black man in a country that still has bastions of violent racism, becomes President of the US
- He takes the helm at a time when the country is at its worst financially since the Great Depression
- He has inherited two wars
- He must try and re-establish old friendships with countries that were disregarded by Bush
- He has to try and regain respect and goodwill on the world stage
- Deal with murderous scum who strap bombs to themselves and kill civilians
- Bear the scorn and criticism when his plans and policies do not work quickly enough

To name just a few things on his plate. I would think- and this may be just me- that an individual who is willing to tackle all of these truly cushing issues (and many more) might... just might... be man enough to not be afraid of Rush Limbaugh.

In fact, I think given all of the circumstances, he might find Rush Limbaugh as simply irrelevant. Which explains much more logically why he warned the GOP not to listen to Limbaugh. When Limbaugh publicly declared he wanted Obama to fail, he officially removed himself from meaningful public discourse. There is nothing more you can say. There is nothing more you can add. That sentence said it all: you do not support your president, and you do not care if the people continue to suffer.

In your world, the only thing that matters is proving that conservatism is better than liberalism.

And Rush Limbaugh is willing to bet your lives on it.

Fatherhood: What I've Learned So Far

Nearly a month into this whole 'fatherhood' thing, and it's no exaggeration to say it's been as difficult as grad school.

17 years, 11 months to go. Which, coincidentally, is about as long as it took for me to get my bachelors...

I've been asked a great many questions since Auden's birth, usually along the generic lines of:
"So... how do you like fatherhood?"
"How's the baby?"
"Getting any sleep?"
"What's her social security number?"

The nice thing about these questions are that they are generally no-brainers, and can be answered in their respective order by the following answers: "Great", "Great", "No", and "Screw you".

One question I've been asked, however, is what I have learned so far as a new father, and this is a question that requires thought. I've learned so much in this past month, and it's all been a crash-course education. It's much like the time I took Intermediate Greek in seminary during a summer term: two full semesters of a dead language packed into an 8 week corpse... oops- did I say 'corpse'? I meant course.

At any rate, after pondering this question for a few days, I've been able to come up with a few nuggets I've learned, and can pass along.

- It is very difficult to hear the melody and play 'Rock Band' with true verve and accuracy if there is a baby crying. Turning the volume up doesn't help, either. She merely cries louder.

- Despite what every expert says, babies DO have a very acute sense of smell. At least when it comes to freshly laundered and/or new clothes. They will then vomit on them accordingly.

- There is a discrepency in terms of sheer volume when it comes to what goes into a baby versus what comes out.

- It is very easy to be lured into a thoroughly charmed state of bliss when your baby smiles at you. DO NOT BE DECEIVED. The baby is smiling at the fact that it will soon be gushing vomit all over you, or releasing a very toxic fart. Again, experts claim this smile is a result of gas or the workings of their digestive system. This is a lie. It is their sheer delight in knowing that in the next minute or so, you will be completely grossed-out.

- Dr. Phil even annoys babies.

- It is possible to make a pot of coffee one-handed.

- Dad will work in a clutch situation, but in the grand scheme it's mommy that really counts. She's the one with the boob(s).

- The back of a couch is the most fascinating thing in the world.

My mind is suddenly exhausted and just went blank. I don't know where I learned that one from.

Probably from that Greek class.

Baby At Last

Auden Mary was born Dec. 19th, 2008, as 1:13 PM.

As you can see, she was not happy with this new development, but her parents certainly were. As were her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and many dear friends.

It was an experience that was... unforgettable. Watching this new life enter the world- the shouts of joy at the announcement that it was a girl- beholding her for the first time and thinking that this tiny, wrinkled, howling creature was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I look at her now, awash in sensation, no coherence of thought, and marvel at the infinite possibilities. And even now, the person that she will one day be is starting to assert itself: hating to be swaddled, the noises that soothe her... What a joy it will be to watch this tiny girl go through the process of becoming.

I could rhapsodize for days about how amazing all this is, and probably will in future entries. But there is a practical reality to this that can at times pop this very joyous bubble. And that is the simple fact that we are now truly 'parents' (here all readers heave a collective sigh of regret and murmur 'Poor kid'...), and suddenly everything is so much more complex, while being simultaneously baffling. Truly, I am surprised that Auden has made it this far (3 weeks) while at the mercy of our inept hands. [Side note: Salome is not inept. She may not have all the answers, but she has from the very start proven to be a devoted, maternal, loving mother with seemingly infinite patience. Yes. Salome. Patience. Who knew? But I am so impressed and in love with my wife, and this new child has been like a poultice for Salome, drawing everything that is good within her to the surface].

And so, as new parents, not only do we NOT have all the answers, the truth is we don't have ANY answers. So we've read, looked, asked, observed- anything that might help us be better. And guess what we've discovered? EVERYONE ELSE has an answer, and each one is contradictory.

It started right after Auden was born. One lactation consultant suggested a certain hold for nursing. The next day, the other consultant came in and told us something else. Meanwhile the pediatrician on call came in and told us something entirely different altogether.

NEVER supplement breastfeeding with bottles. Supplementing is OK. Never let a baby cry without attending to it. It's okay to let a baby cry if she's been fed/changed/swaddled/burped. Always hold the baby in the crook of your arm. DON'T hold the baby that way. Don't let the baby sleep in your bed with you. Let the baby sleep in the bed with you for bonding. Don't use a pacifier before she falls asleep. A pacifier before falling asleep can help prevent SIDS and should be used.

In fact, the only things the experts seem to be in agreement upon are:

1. Never throw acid in the baby's face

2. Full submersion in water for extended periods of time is bad.

3. Avoid watching any 'Hannah Montana' shows until the age of 3

4. George Bush is an idiot

5. NEVER shake a baby. Stirring, however, is still under debate.

6. Moist Hostess' Twinkies are tasty and snack-a-licious

7. Never substitute breast milk or formula with vodka

8. You should never test your baby's ability to 'bounce' by dropping it from great heights

9. You need not lick your baby to cleanliness: we have opposable thumbs and washcloths for stuff like that.

10. Stare-off contests and 'thumb wars' are generally things babies aren't interested in right now

Since experts can only seem to agree on the above, Salome and I have discovered that there isn't necessarily one, single right answer to every situation. Raising a baby, much like it will be in raising a child, is going to be a process. It will be dealing with situations as they come, and- provided we ALWAYS have our daughter's safety and well-being uppermost in our minds- relying on our instincts at times, rather than turning to 'the book(s)' for answers that don't necessarily work.

Every expert has an answer. Some of them might work. Some won't. And that's okay. Because Auden is who she is, and will respond as she will. She won't fall neatly into the categories in handbooks, or be soothed by remedies suggested by well-meaning adults who learned it from their great aunt Rose.

And this is what we want most for our child: to develop into the person she will become. To NOT parent-by-the-book, but to bring love and security to every situation, so that she will always know she is safe with us, and that we will always celebrate who she is. Every step of the way.