*Twiddling Thumbs

So far, throughout these past 5 unemployed days, I've gone through just about every mental state imaginable. Based on Kubler-Ross' 5 stages of grief, I've gone from denial/shock to anger, depression and acceptance. Somewhere in there I'm supposed to 'bargain' as well, but in this present situation I'm not sure what to bargain for, unless it means taking a few things to a pawn-shop or selling one of the cats' kidneys.

One thing I hadn't counted on (and which isn't one of the five stages of grieving) is the 'mind-numbing boredom with an explicable craving for Cheetos' stage I am currently in.

It makes sense, though: for the past few years, my days were all pretty much pre-planned. Granted, it was a wacky enough business that you had to improvise at times, but if you had meetings scheduled, you attended them. If you planned to target an area that day, you... er... targetted it. What I mean to say is that overall, you had a plan, and that dictated your time throughout the day.

Now unemployed, that means my raison d'etre has lost its 'raison', and I'm left with the 'etre' part. I've got to have goals, a plan, a reason for being- while simulatneously knowing that it won't bring in any income anyway.

So, in an effort to combat this awful ennui, as well as give me a sense of purpose and 'raison d'etre' (my high school French is certainly coming in handy during this post, isn't it?), I have given myself the following goals to accomplish during this time of unemployment. While technically 'inactive', by golly, I'm going to be proactive!!!

Please note: these goals are not in any particular order

Goal #1: Eat a zillion M&M's

Goal #2: Dissect and analyze every Will Ferrell movie for the hidden, underlying meaning

Goal #3: Pretend we're still in election season, and campaign furiously for Ralph Nader

Goal #4: Take that course in macrame that I always wanted to do, but never had time

Goal #5: Grow a wicked handle-bar moustache

Goal #6: Dress the cats in silly costumes and post pictures to the web

Goal #7: Burn ants with a magnifying glass (weather permitting)

Goal #8: Apply for jobs that are far outside my skill set (e.g. Physics Professor- MIT), and then send nasty follow-up emails asking why they haven't called me for an interview

Goal #9: Find a suitable answer to Pink's existential question 'So What?'

Goal #10: Develop the skill of rubbing my belly and patting my head at the same time

If, during this time, you need to get in contact with me, please call and leave a message. As you can see, I am going to be quite busy for the time being.