The Great Purgation: Word # 9

# 9. A humble reader recently suggested a word that could safely be romoved from our lexicon, without any sort of deletorious effects on our vocabularly as a whole. While I agreed in theory of its necessity of dying a horrible, gruesome death, I wasn't sure whether its typology would render it unfit for this exercise.

After all, I want to tackle the words that exist, not those that are simple slang.

Oh, Webster, how great is thy betrayal.

As of 1999, the word 'bling-bling' is now an acceptable noun in the English language.

You can see why I want to destroy Webester, word by bloody word.

My rule of thumb on getting rid of words is quite simple: if the word is used by at least 75% of the population, it should stay. After all we're using it. To do otherwise would be like canceling your cable subscription right in the middle of football season. In other words, unthinkable. That's why I felt safe in choosing 'expunge': the only ones who use it nowadays are judges and lawyers, the latter not being quite human.

So, based on reader recommendation I present to you as the next word under the guillotine: 'bling'.

Most of you may know it only when added by it's second syllable, which also happens to be 'bling', but I have it on good authority that you can either use it as a hyphenated double, or a rather retarded single. Its definition is as follows:

'Flashy jewlery worn especially as an indication of wealth; broadly: expensive and ostentations possessions.'

Remember my rule: is this a word used by 75% of the population? Let's view some examples:

'John, would you be a dear and unlock the safe in our spacious 500 square foot walk in closet? I need to retrieve some bling-bling for tonight's fundraiser at the Met.'

- I'm not feeling that one.

Let's try another:
'Goldarn it, Mary, why can't you wear just a simple bonnet to church like every other woman, instead of all that bling-bling?'

- Quickly losing ground.

Perhaps the only environment where one could (and indeed would even think of) use it and get away with it is within the rather small (but elite) groups of pimps and professional athletes. The former have a rather limited life expectancy, while the latter grow out of it once they reach the age of 30.

Granted, many people wear gaudy and ostentatious articles designed to project wealth (Rolex, I'm talking to you), but that doesn't mean they refer to it as bling-bling: instead they'll just find ways to insert the phrase 'I make more money than God' into their conversations: usually apropos of nothing.

Clearly, they haven't seen the bling-ing crown God wears on His head.

________, or ______-_______, you've been ____________. You will not be missed.